Aphantasia
Imagine an apple in your mind’s eye, closing your eyes if you need to.
Imagine an apple in your mind’s eye, closing your eyes if you need to.
Imagine an apple, what does it look like?
What colour is it?
What type of apple is it?
Does the apple have a worm in it, or a bite taken out of it?
Did you see the apple in its full glory?
Did you see nothing at all?
Or did you see something that was so far away and faded that you could barely understand it was an apple altogether?
If you are a person who could see the apple, congratulations!
You can do something that I and many other people cannot do.
The reason behind not being able to see the apple is that I and others who experience the same have a condition called aphantasia, which is an inability to create mental imagery.
I remember midway though elementary school having a teacher walk us through the apple exercise. I knew logically the concept of what seeing an apple was but unlike my classmates who saw a wide variety of things, I saw absolutely nothing.
I didn’t want to seem stupid or different and unknowingly at the time as a result, I masked and pretended I saw an apple like everyone else. I did not understand how much this seemingly strange difference would impact me the rest of my life.
When I was growing up, I dreamed of being many different things but among them were being a writer and being an artist or illustrator. At every chance I could get, I pursued both and often found that my art teachers either loved me or really disliked me. I often found myself unable to think up new ideas or if I was unable to create them. This problem followed me around all my life and eventually I stopped creating art altogether.
It wasn't until I was in my late 30s that I started to understand some important things about myself. One of these things was that not only was I firmly an abstract artist, but that there was also a word to explain why I couldn’t see things in my imagination…Aphantasia.
I now allow myself to create what my heart wants without the guilt of not being able to recreate realistic or even impressionist art.
I have started to explore techniques and tools to accommodate the disabilities around my aphantasia. I understand now how to help myself better create the art that lives in my soul.
Do you have aphantasia? Are you an artist with this condition? I would love to hear about your story and process.
